"WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE....?"
It's remotely impossible to pickup your phone without being exposed to someone's vacation pics, graduation pics, #MCM, #WCW, #RelationshipGoals or promotion post. It's beautiful to see other people level up and WIN, but constantly seeing other people add tally marks to their WIN column while you're consistently taking L's can be extremely hard to bare at times! Some people are simply haters that don't want to see anyone else win, but then there are those of us who truly want everyone to thrive. If I'm honest, always standing slightly outside of the winners circle can causes us all to ask ourselves that dreadful question.... "What am I doing with my life?" This question is a double edge sword because although you're genuinely happy for those around you, you still tend to COMPARE your progress to theirs! You wonder what they're doing different and who they know?! You ask yourself, "How are they doing this?" We say, "CONGRATULATIONS I'M SO PROUD OF YOU," then we turn right around and question everything we've done! Trust me we've all been there.... We're HUMAN! Even the most secure person has weak moments but if we're not careful that personal interrogation can quickly become the foundation for resentment to set in!
Eventually we start to come to our senses, because we realize that going down that rabbit hole won't help us to make progress, but we're still left to deal with our feelings and emotions! You know the SELF-DOUBT and the FEAR OF NOT ACHEIVING feelings that lead to SELF-SABBOTAGE! So how do we deal with the impacts of COMPARING ourselves to other? How do we begin to pull ourselves out of that funk? None of us have a solution that is one size fits all but implementing the FOUR C's can HELP you to get back on track, when you're feeling triggered.
Step #1: CHECK YOURSELF
Now I know that this step isn't always the easiest especially if you're not in a good place, but you have to remove yourself from the equation! The major key is taking a step back to realize this moment has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, but it has everything to do with them. You must acknowledge and accept that you can't hold their moment captive because you're not where you want to be in life. That's a "YOU" problem not a "THEM" problem. Most of the time when we see or hear the news we're happy for them but after that first two seconds we start to make their good news a pity party because we've briefly compared that one "HIGHLIGHT" to our REAL LIFE EXPEREINCES! Although you and this person/family might have similarities you have to try to look at each circumstance as a singular moment that has no relation to you!
How To Implement Step #1:
Take a DEEP BREATH and release it slowly (Count to ten if you need to).
REMOVE yourself from the equation and declare that it's their journey and experience alone.
If your mind even remotely brings up something going on in your life SHUT-IT-DOWN and focus on showing love to that person in that moment
Step #2: CHOOSE A ROLE
When you initially see the post or hear the news, you literally have a split second to decide if you're going to be a HATER or if you're going to be a CONGRATULATOR! In that moment it's almost like you're having an internal battle!
The right side is screaming:
YASSSS! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!
I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!
OKAAAYYY I SEE YOU
Won't GOD DO IT.....
But the left side of you is saying stuff like:
"MUST BE NICE"
"I WISH I HAD THAT OPPORTUNITY"
"I CAN'T EVEN GET AN INTERVIEW"
"I TRIED THE SAME THING AND IT NEVER WORKED OUT FOR ME"
When you listen to your right side you're able to RESPOND but when you lean toward the left you're falling into REACT TERRITORY. You're the only one that can settle the great divide but that can only happen if you acknowledge that "THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU." As soon as you check yourself you'll have the clarity needed to CHOOSE what ROLE you're going to play! Just make sure you choose wisely!
How To Implement Step #2:
DECIDE if you're going to react or respond?
CHOOSE A ROLE... Are you gonna be a hater or a congratulator?
Step #3: CLAP FOR THEM
This step is fairly simple you're either going to do it or you're not. It's not a situation it's simply a DECISION! You have to realize that everyone's story is so different and unique to that person. We only know what others show so there's no real way to truly judge or compare our lives to each other. Let's be honest everyone has a battle or a set of battles they're constantly fighting. If I'm honest being bitter will only distract you and hold you back even longer so think about that when you make your decision.
How To Implement Step #3:
Show EMPATHY, and think about how hard that person may have worked to get to this point
VISUALIZE how you want others to SUPPORT you, then mimic what you saw in your vision.
Step #4: CLOSE THE BOOK
If you can't find a way to celebrate other peoples WINS, please CLOSE the app, leave the event, limit contact or exit stage left. Just remove yourself from that environment because you're not ready to be in that space! The moment you realize you aren't capable of exuding joy and happiness for others you should start to look inward to figure out what's blocking your heart for people.
How To Implement Step #4:
If you're still struggling please CLOSE the app (or delete it), leave the room, or create space. Establish some sort of a boundary because you're not ready to be in that type of atmosphere.
EXAMINE yourself to figure out what's block your heart for people. Ask yourself why am I feeling this strong about this situation? What's triggering me?
PRAY that GOD will reveal the issue and help you to HEAL so that you won't have to feel so broken when you see others excel.
Please realize that the GOD will use other people's lives to expose you to some of the things he's preparing for you. He will grant you access just to give you a peek into the rooms, into the experience and expose you to the level up! He will wet your whistle to entice you to develop an appetite for GREATNESS. This is why it's so important that you look at every WIN and L as a LESSON or an opportunity to learn something new. They're both VALUABLE, but being gracious and generous with the LOVE AND CHEERS SHOWS GOD that your HEART is in the right place! It reveals your CHARACTER and what you need to WORK ON! I know that it's hard not to compare ourselves because that's what society has taught us all, but SOCIETY IS WRONG. What they fail to teach the world is there is enough space, money, and opportunities out here for all of us. At times you're going to be in a WINNING SEASON and at times someone else will be in a WINNING SEASON, but it's important that we learn to CELEBRATE EACH OTHER and PICK EACH OTHER UP when we're taking L's!!!!
COMPARISON KILLS...... It KILLS YOUR DREAMS, FOCUS, JOY, and PROGRESS! It stops you from locking in on your goals because you're to busy comparing your level #2 to someone's level #52. There is really no true way to COMPARE your life to someone else's because no two stories are the same and no two lives with end the same. Some of us are more transparent than most! You just never know what someone is going through or what they endured to get to this point! This is why we can't judge a book by it's cover! We don't know what hurdles or obstacles that person had to overcome to get to this point. So since we're oblivious the best method to use in this phase is to show love to this person and celebrate their WIN. The last thing we need to do is COMPARE our lifetime of experiences to this one HIGHLIGHT REEL. Ultimately you have to believe that GOD has a PLAN for your life! " WHAT'S FOR YOU IS FOR YOU!" So the next time you hear some good news and you feel yourself getting ready to ask the question "What am I doing with my life...? Remind yourself that nothing is PERFECT! No one really KNOWS what they're doing we're all just here LEARNING, LIVING out GOD'S WILL and HIGHLIGHTING what we want to show!!
INSPIRATIONAL SONG: COMPARISON KILLS
BY: JONATHAN MCREYNOLDS